Good times... and bad

The internet has made porn so accessible that it has almost taken away a lot of what made masturbation so fulfilling... maybe it's that you don't have to use your imagination so much these days or maybe it's just that I'm getting older.

I had this picture I had ripped out of a magazine somewhere... it was a model in a pair of blue jeans, bare foot, and topless. I folded it up and snuck it into the bathroom with me so many times to jack off to. I'd clean myself up with a wad of toilet paper and flush it all down the toilet.



Unfortunately, the world filled our heads back then with a good deal of garbage that ended up causing me so much confusion and heartache. I would be so horny that I could think of nothing all day but coming home and jacking off on the toilet with my pants down around my ankles and the unfolded topless model propped up on the toilet paper holder on the wall. Then after cumming came the enormous feelings of guilt. Thinking that what I had done was, I'd promise to myself never to do it again and in a few days would be back where I was. I was sure at one point that I was going to hell for sure.

Sadly enough, that went on for a good year or more... eventually I resigned myself to give up trying to quit and eventually the guilt faded to a manageable level and soon enough was quiet enough that I learned to ignore it all together. I think a lot of boys probably deal with it. But eventually we learn.

My first cum... oh know!!! Am I gay?

The older kids in the neighborhood always talked about "coming". We... the younger kids... asked what they were talking about and they'd laugh or tease because we didn't know. Eventually they told us it was white stuff that came out of you when you had an orgasm. They would also talk about making women "come" and how you were a real man if you could make a woman do that. We never really heard them talking about boys doing it so we came to the understanding that only women did that.

We had a very large dog house... almost a small barn... attached to our garage in the back yard and sometimes I would sneak in there and lock the dog in the pen outside and jack off. One day, I went back and did so just as I always did. I had my eyes closed and was thinking about Donny, the boy across the street, and as I was reaching that point of orgasm something new happened... white gooey cum started oozing out of the end. I was horrified. I thought I had done something terribly wrong and I remember thinking it meant I was gay because only women did that... as though the biology would have been any different. Funny... it never occurred to me that I might be gay because I liked to play with and suck on other boy's penises. lol Eventually, I figured out it was normal for boys to cum. It's funny looking back, but honestly, at the time it really wasn't funny at all.

First cum... am I gay?

The older kids in the neighborhood always talked about "coming". We... the younger kids... asked what they were talking about and they'd laugh or tease because we didn't know. Eventually they told us it was white stuff that came out of you when you had an orgasm. They would also talk about making women "come" and how you were a real man if you could make a woman do that. We never really heard them talking about boys doing it so we came to the understanding that only women did that.

We had a very large dog house... almost a small barn... attached to our garage in the back yard and sometimes I would sneak in there and lock the dog in the pen outside and jack off. One day, I went back and did so just as I always did. I had my eyes closed and was thinking about Donnie, the boy across the street, and as I was reaching that point of orgasm something new happened... white gooey cum started oozing out of the end. I was horrified. I thought I had done something terribly wrong and I remember thinking it meant I was gay because only women did that... as though the biology would have been any different. Funny... it never occurred to me that I might be gay because I liked to play with and suck on other boy's penises. lol Eventually, I figured out it was normal for boys to cum. It's funny looking back, but honestly, at the time it really wasn't funny at all.

All things must end...

Once school started, we saw Robbie a whole lot less. :(

Staying over on school nights was obviously not aloud and weekends were generally just time at home but we usually went over to my grandparents house on the holidays and so we still got to have some fun now and again. There was a room upstairs that was filled with stuff... they just used it for storage. There was an old mattress that was propped up against one wall and we would sneak behind it and play around when we went over.

As fun as that was, the holidays turned out to be too far between and ultimately, we ended up growing apart and soon enough the fun between us and Robbie came to an end... but my brother and I still had each other and we grew closer for a while there. We used to sneak out to this old car that was parked at the back of our yard and climb inside. One of us would pretend to drive and the other would lay his head in the driver's lap. We masturbated in front of each other and a couple of times I sucked on him and once he sucked me. It felt more wrong than it did with Robbie so it didn't happen as often or for as long.

After that, I learned to take care of myself on a much more regular basis... in bed, in the basement, out in the yard, behind the garage, in the bathroom... anywhere I could.

He asked me to put it in my mouth...

My cousin Robbie came over to spend the night quite a bit, but as always at some point in the night he would get scared and call our Grandpa to come pick him up. I don't think he ever once did stay the whole night.

One of the times he came over, we were on the floor in my bedroom. The door was closed, but there was no lock. Thinking back, we were pretty risky but it didn't even occur to us really to hide what we were doing more than closing the door. I think I knew what we were doing was "wrong" but I guess that's the extent of the concept of secrecy that you have at that age.

Robbie unzipped his pants and pulled them down and when he didn't start touching himself, I knew by now that he wanted me to do it for him. I reached over to touch his soft penis and before I could, he stopped me and asked if I would suck on it for him. I was absolutely shocked. Looking back, I really wonder where he learned about all this. I was hesitant and he told me that sometimes it hurts and sucking it would make him feel better. He offered to do it to me first and so I pulled down my pajamas and he leaned forward to put it in his mouth. It felt so much better than using my hand. He sucked it for a few minutes. Neither of us were anywhere near puberty and neither had ever even heard of cumming, let alone experienced it.

After he stopped, he asked how it felt and I told him it felt really good. Satisfied, he laid back and told me it was his turn. My heart was beating faster and I was really nervous but I didn't want to be unfair so I leaned forward on my belly and put it in my mouth. I managed to suck a little before the aroma and taste overwhelmed me. I don't remember if I actually threw up, but I remember that I at least thought I was going to. I think after all that playing in the yard and sweating all day, he wasn't as clean as he could have been. That was the end of my first oral experience. He let me use my hand on him instead.

As bad as it tasted, the next time we were together, I wanted to do it again. It was much better that time and I sucked him several times after that over the next couple of summers. I liked how it felt when he did it to me, but I really liked doing it to him and did it far more often than he did to me. When I was alone in bed or the bathroom doing "one man sex" on my own, I tended to daydream about doing that to him more often than not.

Evening Exercise - my first sexual experience

I was about 8 or 9 years old. My younger cousin, Robbie, and his friend "Scooter" came over to play at our house for the day and were planning on staying the night. We were sitting out on the back porch and they were talking about needing to go inside to do their exercises before bed. My brother and I wondered what they were talking about and so we went down into our basement so they could show us.

At this point, both of us were completely naive to any use for our penises except to go to the bathroom, so we were both surprised and curious when our cousin and friend simultaneously dropped their pants in front of us and begin to rub themselves.



I asked why they were doing that and Robbie told us it was an exercise that would make your penis bigger. While I pondered why in the world you would need it to be bigger, he quickly added that it felt really good too. He said it was called "one man sex". With a minimal amount of prodding, my brother and I pulled down our pants and soon enough there were four boys standing with our pants around our ankles watching each other masturbate. I was impressed because I did get a little bigger and harder too. That was the first time I'd ever had, or at least noticed I had, an erection. And he was right. It felt pretty good too. We exercised together on a pretty regular basis after that day.



After we'd done this a few times over the course of the summer, one time Robbie said he was too tired from playing and still needed to do his exercises so he asked if I would do it for him. I didn't see anything wrong with it so I did. It was a lot of fun and soon led to other "exercises" that involved our mouths but that's another story. As it is, I think I need to go do some exercising just about now.